Basic movie titles

April 14, 2009

It has come to my attention that there is a film called “Fighting” that is currently awaiting release. My first thought was that that seems like an incredibly broad title and subject for a movie. My second thought was exactly the same as my first. But my third thought was that maybe the creators of this film are on to something. There should be more movies that follow the simplistic “Verb”ing formula. It’s an engaging and compelling concept. I have compiled a list of examples, posted below, to prove this point.

People walk. It’s a fact of life. Get over it. This movie would showcase people walking. Walking to the store. Walking to Minnesota. Walking to the bathroom. Walking from the toilet to the sink, within the bathroom. Walking from the sink to the towel rack. Walking from the towel rack to the bathroom door. Walking from the bathroom door to just outside the bathroom door. Getting shot in the face by a mobster who for four months has engaged in racketeering against you and you’ve run out of money because he’s stolen it all and he told you last time he saw you that if you didn’t have the money by Tuesday he was gonna kill you and today is Tuesday.

Same as above, but from the mobster’s perspective.

Not all people walk. Some people are in wheelchairs. It’s a fact of life. Get over it. This movie is about a wheelchair-bound woman who finds herself at the bottom of a staircase. She needs to get upstairs, but there is no ramp or elevator nearby. She can’t simply leave from where she came, because she got there by being thrown down the stairs by a mobster. The very stairs she now seeks to climb. The mobster has, over a period of several years, fallen in love with the woman, but orders are orders. It breaks his heart as he swings the ball-and-chain at her face. Something of hers breaks, too. Her face.

Oops, this movie has already been made. Sorry for the confusion.

175 minutes watching a man think. What is he thinking about? Wombats? Filibusters? The socioeconomic effects of the War of 1812? Mobsters? We don’t know. We just don’t know.